Author Topic: A little Humor  (Read 2893 times)

Mr. Magoo

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A little Humor
« on: April 21, 2013, 05:53:54 PM »
Modern Technology

        I was visiting my daughter and son-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

        'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said.

        'We don't waste money on newspapers.  Here, you can borrow my IPod.'

        I can tell you, that fricken fly never knew what hit it...

Mr. Magoo

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Re: A little Humor
« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2013, 05:56:36 PM »


The Louisiana State Police had received numerous reports of illegal cockfights being held in the area around Abbeville and had sent their famous Detective Boudreaux from Thibodeaux to investigate. Boudreaux promptly began his investigation and then reported to his Commander the next morning.

"Dey is tree main groups involve in dis rooster Fightin", he began.

"Good work! Who are they?" the Commander asked.

Boudreaux replied confidently, "De Texas Aggies, de local Cajuns, and de Mafia from N'awlins".

Puzzled, the Commander asked, "Now Boudreaux, how did you find all that out in one night?"

"Well," he replied, "I went down and done seen dat rooster fight in person. And I knowed immediately dat dem Aggies was involved when a Duck was entered in the fight."

The Commander nodded, "I'll buy that. But what about the others?"

Boudreaux nodded knowingly, "Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved when sum body bet on de duck!"

"Ah, I see, I see....." sighed the Commander "And how did you figure the Mafia was involved?"

"De duck won."

Mr. Magoo

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Re: A little Humor
« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2013, 05:58:03 PM »
THE WOODEN BALL
 
 
 An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."

wshawkins

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Re: A little Humor
« Reply #3 on: April 22, 2013, 08:41:32 AM »
That last one is great rgm!   :goodpost:
« Last Edit: April 22, 2013, 02:39:22 PM by wshawkins »
"It isn't the mountains ahead that wear you out, it's the grain of sand in your shoe."

Mr. Magoo

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Re: A little Humor
« Reply #4 on: April 26, 2013, 06:53:37 AM »
 

 A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.       

The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?             

 The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason, and it scares me."             

 The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or goes to bed and falls asleep."             

  Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor, looking fresh and reborn.               

The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea!

Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"             

 The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick...."   

Mr. Magoo

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Re: A little Humor
« Reply #5 on: May 09, 2013, 06:11:07 PM »
GOD LOVES DRUNK PEOPLE TOO

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.   The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.    "No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"   "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?   I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!   God loves drunk people too.

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.   "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.

Creek Dude

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Re: A little Humor
« Reply #6 on: May 11, 2013, 11:16:04 PM »
"Rock the Creek." - Hardrock

Little Hardrock

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Re: A little Humor
« Reply #7 on: May 22, 2013, 08:08:28 AM »
Hardrock, may his spirit live on in all of us.....