Author Topic: football humor  (Read 1678 times)

Little Hardrock

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football humor
« on: October 21, 2013, 08:23:17 AM »
Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different from up north. For those who are planning a football trip south, here are some helpful hints, part 1 of 4:

Women's Accessories:

NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.

SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.


Stadium Size:

NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.


Fathers:

NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.

SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.


Campus Decor:

NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.

SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.


Homecoming Queen:

NORTH: Also a physics major.

SOUTH: Also Miss America.


Heroes:

NORTH: Rudy Giuliani.

SOUTH: Archie & Peyton Manning.

 

Hardrock, may his spirit live on in all of us.....

TEX

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Re: football humor
« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2013, 08:31:35 AM »
Stadium Size:

NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
 
Very true; kinda like religion here. BIG.
The E.S. is where I come to get back to sanity and to the real me.

fshrsmn

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Re: football humor
« Reply #2 on: October 21, 2013, 09:41:52 AM »
For those who take Southern attitude towards football lightly, visit New Orleans during football season. I have been following the Saints for over 40 years and New Orleans LOVES their team. Football is almost a religious symbol in the South. Even the small city high schools have huge football fields. Growing up our baseball field resembled a cow pasture while the football field was groomed to excellent proportions.
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Little Hardrock

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Re: football humor
« Reply #3 on: October 23, 2013, 06:34:17 AM »
part 2:

Getting Tickets:

NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.

SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and put name on waiting list for tickets.


Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:

NORTH:  Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.

SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hungover students that might actually make it to class.


Parking:

NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.

SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.


PART 3:

Game Day:

NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.

SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for  breakfast, and rushes over to  where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day  Live" to get on camera and wave to the  idiots up north who wonder why  "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from  their campus.


Tailgating:

NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.

SOUTH:  30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by a live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who comes over during breaks and asks for a hit off bottle of bourbon.


Getting to the Stadium:

NORTH:  You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.

SOUTH:  When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.
 
« Last Edit: October 23, 2013, 06:36:08 AM by Little Hardrock »
Hardrock, may his spirit live on in all of us.....