Author Topic: a morning giggle  (Read 2672 times)

Little Hardrock

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a morning giggle
« on: November 19, 2013, 06:55:05 AM »
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.   

Hardrock, may his spirit live on in all of us.....

Mr. Magoo

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Re: a morning giggle
« Reply #1 on: November 20, 2013, 02:26:33 PM »
Understanding how a woman's brain works:
Perhaps this little story will make it clear.
 
A woman went through a red traffic light and crashed into a man's car. Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt.

After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said; "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police."

Little Hardrock

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Re: a morning giggle
« Reply #2 on: November 20, 2013, 03:55:15 PM »
good one rgm,,,, almost spit out my wine when i read it:)
Hardrock, may his spirit live on in all of us.....

Trev Dog

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Re: a morning giggle
« Reply #3 on: November 24, 2013, 07:58:15 AM »
                            A STRANGE BET

Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.

He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV just as the 10:00 news was coming on.

The news crew was covering a story of a man preparing to jump off the ledge of a downtown building.

The blonde looked at Bob and said; "Do you think he will jump?"

Bob said; "You know , I bet he will jump."

The blond replied, " Well I bet he won't"

Bob placed a twenty dollar bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her 20 dollars to Bob saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied , " I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, so I already knew he would jump."

The blonde replied , " I saw it too , but I never thought he'd do it again!"

Bob took the money.

Little Hardrock

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Re: a morning giggle
« Reply #4 on: December 31, 2013, 09:00:44 AM »
Woman: "Do you drink beer?"

Man: "Yes."

Woman:  "How many beers a day?"

Man:  "Usually about 3."

Woman: "How much do you pay per beer?"

Man: "$5.00 which includes a tip." (This is where it gets scary!)

Woman: "And how long have you been drinking?"

Man: "About 20 years, I suppose."

Woman:  So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers s a day which puts your spending each month at $450.  In one year, it would be approximately $5,400 ...correct?"

Man:  "Correct."

Woman:  "If in 1 year you spend $5,400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at about $108,000, correct?"

Man: "Correct."

Woman:  "Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?"

Man: "Do you drink beer?"

Woman: "No."

Man: "Where's your Ferrari?"

Hardrock, may his spirit live on in all of us.....

Little Hardrock

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Re: a morning giggle
« Reply #5 on: January 11, 2014, 06:02:26 PM »
 
Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over.

Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.

The driver obviously confused said, "Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous".

"Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.

The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK? These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time."

"Oh! They will be alright in a minute, Officer - we just got off Route 142."
Hardrock, may his spirit live on in all of us.....

saudust

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Re: a morning giggle
« Reply #6 on: January 22, 2014, 06:34:50 AM »
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you
determine whether or not an older person should be put
in a nursing home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person and ask
them to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said.  "A normal person would use the
bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug.  Do you
want a bed near the window?"
Let me wake laughing from a nap in the afternoon under the aspens in the fall.