Author Topic: Fishing Humor  (Read 10892 times)

wshawkins

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Re: Fishing Humor
« Reply #25 on: August 04, 2014, 06:41:35 AM »
Fish and Chips


One day while driving home from his fishing trip in the pouring rain, a man got a flat tire outside a monastery.  A monk came out and invited him inside to have dinner and spend the night.  The motorist accepted.  That night he had a wonderful dinner of fish and chips.  He decided to compliment the chef.  Entering the kitchen, he asked the cook, "Are you the fish friar?"

"No," the man replied, "I'm the chip monk." 
"It isn't the mountains ahead that wear you out, it's the grain of sand in your shoe."

wshawkins

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Re: Fishing Humor
« Reply #26 on: August 06, 2014, 06:36:51 AM »
License to Fish



A couple of young guys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the game warden!  Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods and hot on his heels came the game warden.  After about a half mile, the guy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the game warden finally caught up to him. 

"Let's see your fishing license, boy!" the warden gasped.
With that, the guy pulled out his wallet and gave the game warden a valid fishing license.

"Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks!  You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"

"Yes sir," replied the young feller. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one..."
"It isn't the mountains ahead that wear you out, it's the grain of sand in your shoe."

wshawkins

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Re: Fishing Humor
« Reply #27 on: August 08, 2014, 06:42:57 AM »
Remember Norm Peterson from Cheers?  He had some of the funniest lines while sitting on his bar stool.  He definitely liked his beers!



BEST OF THE NORM PETERSON QUOTES FROM CHEERS:



"What's shaking, Norm?"

"All four cheeks & a couple of chins."



"What's new, Normie?"

"Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach & they're demanding beer."



"What's up, Mr. Peterson?"

"My nipples, pour me a beer Woody."



"What'd you like, Normie?"

"A reason to live. Give me another beer."



"What'll you have, Normie?"

"Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out
of the tap."

"Looks like beer, Norm."

"Call me Mister Lucky."



"Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?"

"Like a baby treats a diaper."



"What's the story Mr. Peterson?"

"The Bobsey Twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending."



"Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."

"I know, if she calls, I'm not here."



"What's going on Mr. Peterson?"

"A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'



"Whatcha up to, Norm?"

"My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."



"How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"

"Poor."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"No, I mean pour."



"How's life treating you, Norm?"

"Like it caught me sleeping with it's wife."

"Women. Can't live with 'em...pass the beer nuts."



"What's going down, Normie?"

"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."



"Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"

"Alright, but stop me at one...make that one-thirty."



"How's it going Mr. Peterson?"

"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody & I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear."



"What's the story, Norm?"

"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."



"Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"

"A little early, isn't it, Woody?"

"For a beer?"

"No, for stupid questions."
"It isn't the mountains ahead that wear you out, it's the grain of sand in your shoe."